I currently play for Manchester City, I am a well known donkey. I am behind Stefan Savic in the starting line-up for reasons unknown. I elbowed Younes Kaboul and got away with it. I set out recently to intentionally injure Gareth Bale but he proved to be too quick for my legs to keep up with him, so I just hauled him to the ground.

I am usually only in the England Squad if JT is shagging the missus, or all English centre-backs are injured. I have 14 caps for England but as I said I'm not in the line-up very often as Capello labels me incapable of defending.

My one dream would to be playing in a team that consists of Gomes, myself, Emile Heskey and Andy Carroll. I would of course demand £350k per week though.

After Glen Johnson got away with a two-footed challenge on me, I changed the way I play football. When I got called up to National Duty for England I wouldn't speak to Glen anymore.

Some people say the international pressure gets to the English National Team; I put my head down and ignore it. We do miss Emile William Ivanhoe Heskey in the squad, his constant banter got us through the painful training sessions we had to spend talking to Scott Carson.

I voted for Andy Carroll to be best looking male 2009 which he won, the other competitors being myself and Emile Heskey.

Some people have suggested that I have the best forehead in the game. I laugh off such banter and elbow people in the face if they continue to laugh.

Location

Elbowing Kaboul in the head

Disciplines

• Public Affairs

Affiliation

Centre Back